Catch
by CompliCait
Summary: Taki and Goh return from their honeymoon and settle back into their job as snatchers, but happily ever afters are stories for fairy tales and the two men still have a long way to go in their relationship.
1. Morning

Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.  
Notes: Hi! Sorry to the people looking forward to my followup project to_ In Their Own Words_, for the delay. It took me weeks and several bouts of writer's block to get this single chapter out (mostly Goh's fault, I assure you...). It's really just getting started, and I hope you can enjoy it. I'd like to inform any interested parties that an NC-17 version of this story is going to appear on AFF and my writing LJ (see my profile), as a choice because of FFnet's content policies (this is the only time I will mention it). As for this chapter, I hope I have come across with the right mix of humor, drama and romance. Special thanks to eternalsailorsolarwind for advising me to just let Goh have his way (you'll see when you get there). The title is not something I am completely satisfied with (42 dictionary definitions of the word later), so be aware that it may change at some point. Finally, I hope you can be patient with my pace in the future. It could take as long or longer between all future chapters as well. Please enjoy! (10/06/06 Update: Made a few small corrections; 3/26/07 Update: Made a few more corrections/additions).  
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for Goh's randomness at the end of this chapter. Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

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**Morning**

Taki and Goh sat quietly down to breakfast. They had just arrived back home the previous night, so late that they hadn't even bothered to check in downstairs. They'd go down and see Tsunuga about work later today, catch up with Kanji and Mimi and feel their way back into their old routine.

Taki had been the first one up, and being that there was virtually no food in the apartment, had cooked up some rice and plain miso soup. He'd go out later to buy groceries, but since Goh still seemed to be edgy about them being apart, hadn't wanted to leave the apartment while the other man was still in bed. Goh finally joined him in the living room about an hour after Taki had gotten up. He had either been roused by the noise Taki was making and the smell of the first traditional Japanese meal they will have consumed since leaving Japan, or more likely, by the fact that he had awoken to an empty bed. Taki seemed to have a knack for only being heard when he wanted to be, and it unnerved Goh, who had otherwise thought himself a very alert person. It wasn't that he truly believed the other man would be gone, but he felt he needed the reassurance of seeing his partner and lover first thing in the morning. They didn't even need to speak, just sitting next to each other on the couch, like now, was enough for him.

There was still a lot of silence shared between them. While they had been away it hadn't really been an issue. The distractions a vacation afforded filled that void nicely. Even the long passionate nights only had to be filled in short breaks between lovemaking, and generally consisted of making plans for the next day, or discussing that day's events.

Little discussion of the future of their relationship had occurred; both men seeming not to want to delve into that topic too deeply. It was still too new for both of them. Goh in particular seemed to not want to consider the prospect of their return to Japan. He'd managed to turn their two week tagalong with Goh's magic teacher on his cruise liner gig to Australia into nearly a month more of touring Europe and America. He had said they weren't finished until they had circled the globe, and they had.

The final flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo was long and tiring, especially after Goh insisted Taki join him in the "mile high" club; a prospect Taki had resisted with much force, but ultimately relented after an unfortunate incident with a flirty flight attendant made him feel obligated to sate his lover; again. It seemed wherever they had gone there was some woman willing to throw herself at Taki's feet. It would have been funny if Goh were a less jealous man or Taki willing to rebuff their advances more coldly. It invariably ended with Goh stubbornly sulking, and Taki coaxing him out of it by initiating sex. They'd very nearly been caught in that airplane bathroom. If it were not for that "understanding" male flight attendant who covered for them they would have, not that Goh seemed to mind either way. He'd been exuding an aura of, "Taki is mine and I want everyone to know about it," for months; much longer than the duration of their relationship.

It seemed so long ago, but really, they had only been gone about six weeks; less than two months since they had become lovers. Maybe it felt longer for both of them because they had been together for that year previous, and in love with each other for some time before either man had acted on his feelings, or even really acknowledged them.

They had settled into Taki's room last night. This had happened more as coincidence than in any conscious choice by either man. When they had returned, Taki had gone into his room to unpack. He hadn't really had the opportunity to do so before they had left, as Goh had "kept him busy" and then swept them away just a few days after his initial return to their home, not to mention his healing injuries and fatigue at the time. The physical wounds healed weeks earlier and Goh, eager to consummate in their "newlywed" homestead after the long flight had followed him into the room. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out how the night had gone after that.

Goh stood in the doorway to the living room watching as his lover set the bowls and chopsticks down. Taki was already dressed in some tight jeans and a button down sleeveless shirt, untucked from the pants. He always managed to look good, no matter the simplicity of the outfit. Goh had only managed to slip his pants from last night back on. His hair was still tousled, though the way it was usually styled it was hard to tell. When Taki finally turned and saw him in the doorway Goh smiled and said, "You're up early," the subtext apparent. _Why did you get out of bed?_

Taki replied, "I made breakfast." His subtext was annoyed. _I had to get up first because I didn't want to lose a whole day in bed because of you; again_.

Goh responded to this with a smile and leaned against the jamb, crossing his arms. He finally replied, "I can see that." _Don't be a prude._

Taki walked over to the other man and kissed him lightly. "Do you want to shower first?" _I know what you want and I am changing the subject._

"Do you want to join me?" Goh's quick reply was accompanied by a light grab of Taki's hips. _I'm not going to let you change the subject._

"I already showered this morning." Taki broke away to return to the couch. _Go take a _cold_ shower._

"I didn't mean for a shower," Goh teased, following and grabbing him from behind. He'd abandoned subtext in favor of a more direct approach.

"Stop it," Taki replied, but he was being more playful than annoyed.

When Goh nuzzled his neck Taki closed his eyes; part resisting, part savoring. "Don't you ever get enough?"

"Of you? Never." Goh smiled again. His eyes lit mischievously as he spoke, "I'll eat first. After all, my lovely wife cooked our first breakfast home together," and released him, finally.

Taki was a little annoyed by this. "Cut that out. I made breakfast because _I_ was hungry. You're just lucky I made enough for both of us."

Goh couldn't pass up the chance to tease further. "Sure, I get it. You need to show your love with food. It's okay. I understand," to which Taki sighed impatiently and gave him a look. Goh laughed at this and they finally sat down, in silence; each pondering his next move.

Taki was getting better at reading Goh's moods, but it seemed he still had work to do to understand his lover's motivations. He knew Goh was uncomfortable about waking up to an empty bed, but he wasn't willing to cede any fault for leaving to make breakfast. Sure, breakfast was an excuse, but still. Goh should understand that all that clinging is very uncomfortable for him. He also needed to set limits or they'd never get anything done. He'd admit the sex was great, but there were things like shopping and work and seeing their friends that they needed to consider. Taki hated being the responsible one.

Goh needed to figure out how to _a_) get Taki to sleep with him again before they did anything else today and _b_) try to do as little of anything else today as possible. He could tell that Taki was interested. He hadn't gotten angry with the usual come-ons, but he seemed preoccupied with the idea of getting back to their old life, and Goh really wasn't ready for that just yet. It wasn't that he was uninterested in getting back to their job as snatchers, he just felt uneasy returning to a routine that had previously been devoid of their romantic relationship.

He wasn't worried that it would end like it did with Kei. There were many unrelated issues concerning that particular relationship that this one did not suffer, not the least of which was the fact that he really was deeply in love this time. There were "other things" that he was concerned about. Though, he wasn't really ready to even so much as acknowledge them right now, especially not at this early hour when he hadn't even had a cup of-

"Is their coffee?" Goh's attention snapped back to reality. He couldn't help but feel a little awkward breaking the silence with a question like that, but then again, he still wasn't fully awake yet. The hour was early and the night had been very satisfyingly late. He needed some coffee, which brought his attention yet again back from its attempt at wandering away.

"We don't have any. I'll go downstairs and get some," Taki said as he started to stand.

"That's okay. I'll get it myself," Goh replied quickly. "You cooked, so I'll get the coffee." He stood then and hurried to the task himself.

"Uh, you might want to put a shirt on." Taki looked on after his bare-chested lover.

"Oh, yeah." Goh redirected his path to his room to acquire something more suitable for being seen in public, however briefly.

"And some shoes..." Taki called after him as Goh disappeared down the hall to his room.

Taki sat back and sighed. Awkward was an understatement this morning. Goh was definitely trying to keep him from seeing anyone else right now. How selfish, but that was typical of the other man. Taki had come to accept Goh's jealousies, and to a point tolerated his little attempts at keeping his attentions fixed at home. He hadn't quite found the balance between giving in and holding ground yet, though. He either risked spoiling his lover or unintentionally hurting him emotionally. If Goh were like any other of his sexual partners up until now, he would have long since gotten bored with the clinging and moved on. Having to stay and deal with the realities of not only having a steady lover, but a man, and not only that, but living with him, was a lot to take in, and all at once was even harder. Love was indeed a very difficult new reality for Taki.

Goh was halfway down the stairs before he realized that he hadn't asked Taki if he wanted any coffee. He had assumed the other man wouldn't, since he hadn't gotten any himself before Goh had come in. Taki wasn't the type to go without something he wanted, or rely on someone else to bring it to him. Goh played with the idea of bringing some anyway, but ultimately chose to keep his visit to Roost as brief as possible. The longer he stayed the more likely he was going to have to talk to everyone, and what he really wanted right now was to be alone with his lover for a few more blessedly quiet hours. In fact, he was beginning to rethink his entire decision to come down here at all, and cursing his big mouth and its going off and saying anything about coffee in the first place. Well, it wasn't really his mouth's fault, it was his brain, which didn't want to function yet without any caffeine, and forcing him to having almost sent Taki downstairs with an excuse to talk to Tsunuga. Well, actually, it was Taki's fault for denying him the stimulation he really had wanted this morning, making his brain tell his mouth to start asking about coffee. So, in all honesty, this whole trouble started in his groin, where it usually did. _Damn it._

He was about to turn around and head back upstairs with some kind of half-considered excuse about Roost not being open or being out of coffee themselves when the door opened and Kanji walked through in an apron and carrying a broom. He seemed very focused on his task until he caught sight of Goh.

"Goh! You're back! Is Taki upstairs? How was your trip? When did you get in?"

Goh had to cut him off before he woke everyone else in the neighborhood. "Kanji, pipe down. It's too early for that."

"Oh, sorry, sorry." He tried to apologize with the smallest voice he could manage, but failed to maintain it just about right away. "It's just, you know, really excited to see you guys are back!"

"Yeah, yeah, uh, is anyone else in yet?" Goh needed to change the subject quickly.

"Oh, nope. Just me until the owner comes in, in another half hour. He's working shorter hours these days. Wants to spend more time with his daughter," Kanji started babbling again.

Goh just wanted to get what he came for and get back upstairs and away from Mr. Chatty as quickly as possible. "Good. Uh, is there coffee?"

"Oh, yeah! Mine isn't as good as the owner's, but I have some ready! I'll go get a cup for you!" Kanji replied excitedly.

"Yeah, keep it down. We got in really late last night." Goh tried lowering his own volume in an attempt to help Kanji focus his lower.

"Oh! Sorry!" Kanji did his best interpretation of a whisper and hurried to get some coffee. He returned soon after with the cup and handed it to Goh, who took it as briskly as possible and not seem rude.

Unfortunately for Goh, Kanji was not particularly receptive to subtlety. "So, I'll tell the owner you guys are back when he gets in! I bet there's work for you. Mimi will be excited to see you, too!"

Goh needed to take care of this right away, or there'd be no telling who ruined his morning plans. "Uh, yeah. Listen, Kanji. Uh, will you do me a favor? Can you, sort of, you know; make sure no one bothers us for a few more hours? We just got up and we've got some stuff to do. We'll come down later today, okay?"

"Oh, sure! I'll make sure no one goes up to pester you! No problem!" Kanji grinned.

"Yeah, thanks, Kanji," Goh replied as he turned and quickly made his way back up the stairs.

Well, that wasn't too painful. He'd managed to avoid Tsunuga and being swept into a larger conversation with anyone. Sure, he had to promise to come back down later today, sort of ruining his plans to force Taki back into bed for the rest of the day, but that was an unrealistic goal to begin with. Right now, though, all he had to focus on was dealing with his lover's "mood" this morning.

Taki was sitting on the couch finishing his breakfast when Goh came back in quietly sipping his coffee. Taki hadn't cleared the bowls because he wasn't sure if Goh wanted to pick at his rice any more or not. His lover didn't seem to have much of an appetite this morning. He did this when he was sulking, which meant he actually was upset about waking up alone and would probably try to bed him again right now.

"What took you so long? I was getting worried." Taki broke the silence this time.

"Oh, I ran into Kanji. You know how he can't just keep his flap shut and hand you a cup of coffee," Goh said as he sat down. He placed the cup on the table and picked up his chopsticks, but all he did with them was push some of the rice around in the bowl.

"Is anyone else in?" Taki asked as he watched his lover play with his food, an amused look on his face.

"Uh, no. Tsunuga's going to be in later today," Goh said distractedly. He hadn't looked at Taki yet.

Taki noticed this and was further amused. Yes, Goh was being so very transparent this morning and he wondered if the other man was even aware of it. Right now he was playing at being innocent and cute, and while he succeeded in both, Taki knew it was just to get him to let his guard down. What he needed to decide was whether or not he wanted to let his guard down. Did he owe his lover an apologetic favor? Would that be an admission of guilt for this morning? How could he give Goh what he wanted without admitting fault?

But now Taki was the one who was distracted and Goh saw his chance. He dropped the chopsticks and lunged the short distance between them to capture his lover's lips. Taki's eyes went wide with surprise, but really, he should have expected as much. Goh managed to come at him with the old "bait and switch" ploy. Make Taki think he was playing one sideways trick and get him to over think his next move. Then, when the other man was distracted, come at him with a direct attack instead. In some things Taki was so very easy to fool.

Goh accompanied his kiss with some light groping under the bottom edge of Taki's shirt, just barely brushing his side. Taki breathed out heavily against his lover's kiss. He was surrendering to it, but wanted it to be clear he still objected to the ploy. Goh took this sign and smiled, breaking away only to touch Taki's face with his free hand briefly, looking into his eyes for any hint of real resistance, finding none, and then returning to his lover's lips gently. Before he knew it, Goh had Taki pinned under him on the cushions. He even managed to gently goad Taki's legs up onto the couch with a light touch of his hand under the other's upper thigh and a conditioned response to lift them.

"Not hungry then," Taki quipped between kisses; an observation, not a question.

"Well, not for food, anyway," Goh returned as he started to finger the other man's shirt buttons loose.

"Mm, don't," Taki tried to object. "We have things to do today. I should take care of these dishes," but Goh wasn't listening. He already had half the buttons undone and showed no signs of slowing down. "Goh, come on," he pleaded halfheartedly.

"Do them later," Goh finally responded as he removed the last button and pushed the open sides of the shirt outward, exposing his lover's gorgeous chest. He paused for a moment to enjoy the sight.

Taki tried changing tactics. "We can't. Not on the couch. What if someone comes in?" But he was grasping by now; for reasons to stop and for his lover to continue at the same time.

"I told Kanji to leave us alone for a few hours. Besides, you almost let me on this couch once before. You owe me," Goh reasoned while running his fingers along Taki's now bare side.

Taki turned into the touch. "I was out of my mind that day. Goh..." Out of excuses, or rather, out of coherency after Goh began kissing down his chest, Taki surrendered to his lover's advances. He'd draw the line later.

They were both on fire by now, desiring each other as hotly as they had their first night; only now they weren't overwhelmed with the reality of what was happening. Goh wasn't dumbstruck in his turnaround in luck regarding his relationship with Taki. He wasn't half disbelieving it was actually happening, and frantically trying to make sure Taki's first time was memorable, but not drawing it out so long that it gave the other man a chance to change his mind, or for him to wake up before being satisfied, having realized it really was a dream. Taki wasn't worried about his choice and what it meant. He wasn't sorrowfully looking to the next morning when he'd have to walk away from this wonderful man and this wonderful life, having just realized how important both had become to him. He also wasn't anxious about the pleasure and pain that was to come. They'd overcome all of that, and now they could lay together like this and savor every moment in each others' arms.

---

The two men now lay on the couch in their shared afterglow. It wasn't a particularly small couch, but it was tight with two grown men nestled on it. Goh lay partially on his lover, with his head resting on the other man's chest and his back to the window. Taki ran the fingers of one hand lightly through Goh's hair. They quietly stayed this way for several minutes.

Of all the things that either man could break the silence with, this time it was, "Let's get a cat."

"...A what," Taki asked, disbelieving that his lover had actually just said that.

"A cat. Or a kitten. Kittens are more fun," Goh replied softly. He seemed almost like he was ready to doze off, but he was gently rubbing Taki's free forearm with the hand that wasn't trapped between them.

"Where did this come from?" Taki queried. Seriously, sometimes Goh was just too random for words.

"I don't know. I just sort of want a cat. We're a couple. Couples have pets. Let's get a kitten," Goh reasoned.

Taki was suddenly struck with an amusing thought, and couldn't help himself from taking the jab at his lover. "Goh? Are you...nesting?"

"Shut up! I just want a cat, okay? Do I need a reason?" Goh freed his trapped arm at this and propped himself up to look at his lover, but seeing the amused yet loving look on Taki's face melted any real anger Goh might have felt about the comment.

Taki returned his fallen hand to Goh's hair, reassuring him. "I just thought you'd be more of a dog person. Aren't cats like the 'women' of the animal kingdom?"

"No way. Dogs are the ones who are too much work. You have to feed them and exercise them and walk them and clean up after them. Way high maintenance; like women."

"Mm," Taki humored his lover. "But I seem to know this guy who spends hours in the bathroom every morning and changes his outfits several times before deciding on something to wear for the day..."

"That's totally different," Goh defended.

"Oh, is it?" Taki teased.

"Yeah. Dogs are loud, and they smell..."

"Women don't smell," Taki laughed.

"I'll take your word for it," Goh replied as he dropped his head back down on Taki's chest.

"Mhm," Taki responded, still a twinge of amusement in his voice.

"Shut up," Goh sighed, feeling a bit embarrassed about bringing it up now.

They lay quietly again for a moment as Taki pondered how to revoice his reaction to Goh's sudden interest in adoption. "Can we talk about this later? We need to do laundry. That was my last clean shirt, you know."

"I told you, you can wear one of mine," Goh replied as he reached forward on the table, nudging one of the chopsticks with his finger.

"And I need to do the dishes," Taki said as he turned his attention to the table as well. "And you need to shower," he said as he looked back down at the two of them. "Tsk. And I need to shower again," but he was speaking more to himself at this point.

"My coffee is cold," Goh said distractedly. "Hey, let's get Mari a kitten then. Kids love kittens," he offered as he returned his attention back to the couch, finally.

"Would you stop it about the kitten already?" Taki laughed, exasperated.

Goh lifted his head again, smiling. "Come on. Everybody likes kittens. Anyway, they practically take care of themselves. All we'd have to do is change a box every once in a while. They even catch mice."

"We don't have a mouse problem," Taki argued.

"No, but maybe Tsunuga does downstairs. He runs a cafe, there could be mice or something down there."

"You're not going to give up about this, are you?" Taki laughed once more. "Really want to make this place a 'home' for the two of us, do you?"

"Hey, what about you? Making a traditional Japanese breakfast? We never have miso and rice," Goh tried to jab back.

"Exactly. That's why it was the only food that was left in the kitchen. What's your excuse?" Taki countered.

"Sex makes me hazy and weird?" Goh offered.

Taki chuckled and leaned forward to kiss the man. Weird indeed. He thought maybe this morning wasn't a total loss. They ate, made love, made pleasant, yet strange, conversation and could now very easily get to task about their day. Right now, though, he thought lying here like this for a few more minutes was okay. Goh agreed with a hum against Taki's lips and they embraced as the sun slowly rose on their first morning home.

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3/26/07  
4177 words


	2. Shower

Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.  
Notes: Yes, obligatory shower sex. I made some minor corrections to chapter one. Nothing to write home about, though (the beta in me was annoyed with some mistakes I missed). ShinuHoshi, Miku and Laie Himura de Fanel: Thank you very much for your reviews! I hope this story continues to hold your interest. eternalsailorsolarwind: The edited version of chapter 2 is a bit racier than chapter 1 was, so you may wish to refrain from reading it at work. Goh's kitten is going to take some time. I hope I've addressed Taki and Goh's give and take well in this chapter and I hope it brightens your day, even a little. (4/23/07 Updates: The most significant change to this chapter can be found in Goh's reflections towards the end. I also made some grammatical and form corrections that've been bothering me).  
Disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for Goh. He's all over the place. Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

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**Shower**

Taki leaned under the shower head and let the hot water beat down on his hair and neck. He sighed into the warm stream, rubbing lightly at the marks Goh had left on his chest and hips. Some of them were from last night and some were from earlier on the couch. He was sure there was more than one mark on his back, but he couldn't reach to touch any of them to tell if they were sore.

They'd almost had another go of it, but Taki was determined to put his foot down on the subject so they could actually move forward in their day. Goh of course attempted to persuade Taki by trying to keep him held down, but he was still somewhat groggy with release and the early hour and forgot that Taki was not one of his former lovers who could be coerced into acquiescence with force. Taki had very easily reminded the other man of this by flipping him over and onto the floor between the couch and table.

He'd then sent the grumbling Goh to shower first while he cleaned up after breakfast and put their clothes with the rest of the laundry. When Goh was done Taki had sent him off to run errands in an effort to remove temptation from the other man while he took his own shower. He wasn't sure he could go for another round anyway. All counted they'd had sex five times already in the last twenty-four hours. Once on the plane yesterday, three times when they got home last night and again on the couch this morning.

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the sex, or that he didn't have the stamina to endure hours of lovemaking; countless women could tell you about Taki's legendary stamina. It was just that he still wasn't used to doing it this way. He was determined to give and take in their lovemaking equally with the other man, but fell short in actual experience with homosexual love, not to mention the lingering difficulties associated with it because of the past. Right now, though, Taki did not want to drag up those memories. The morning was going fairly well and he didn't want to ruin it by bringing any unwanted emotions into it. Goh was probably still moping about being tossed off the couch and he didn't want to add concern for himself onto that.

And he knew Goh would notice a change in his mood, however subtle. The other man was still the more attentive of the two of them when it came to each others' needs and feelings, even if he still pursued his own desires relentlessly. Goh tried to be gentle with him in bed, for example, but after so many times in a day anyone would get sore. He knew Goh knew his limits, but he wasn't sure other parts of Goh would allow the knowledge of those limits to dictate his boundaries. He wasn't sure if parts of himself would allow that knowledge to dictate his own boundaries, either. He wanted to give to Goh as much as he could, even if giving was relegated to allowing himself to be taken as much as Goh wanted.

Taki sighed again. This "love" thing was pretty complicated. That was something else he now remembered. He'd noted that Goh hadn't said "I love you," once during their session this morning, though he'd pushed it to the back of his mind at the time to focus on the pleasure of the moment. Goh seemed really focused on the act and he hadn't wanted to ruin the mood for either of them by becoming concerned about it. He guessed that he had just become so used to hearing it during sex that not hearing it had made him realize, even to a small degree, that he was taking Goh's confessions for granted, when he hardly returned them at all. In fact, he could count the number of times he had sort of said the words to his lover on one hand. He hadn't actually ever come out and said "I love you," specifically yet, now that he thought about it. He was sure Goh had taken note of this fact as well and was suddenly struck with worry that it might be causing the other man any pain. Great, one more thing to feel guilty about this morning. First it was getting up first, then it was tossing his lover off the couch, and now it was the fact that he still couldn't just come out and say these simple words.

Taki sighed a third time as he began to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. He hadn't locked the door. Someone who didn't know Goh might think this was a dumb move, but Taki knew that if Goh was determined to get in it wouldn't stop him. In fact, if Goh wasn't determined to get in, but found the door locked, he would become determined rather quickly. That's just the way he was and Taki was well aware of it, so he left the door unlocked and instead tried to shower as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately he hadn't taken into account how tired he was and he lingered under the pleasant water. It wasn't until he felt a second set of hands on his body that he realized he wasn't alone in the bathroom anymore. His breath hitched.

"You sure sigh a lot, lover," Goh remarked from behind him, rubbing his hands into Taki's shoulders.

"Goh?! Wha-" Taki tried to pull his thoughts together and focus on just how he could have missed the other man coming in.

"Let me wash your back," Goh cut him off as he gently rubbed a spot over Taki's shoulder blade that he acknowledged now was sore with a quick intake of breath.

When Goh softly kissed the spot Taki shuddered. "You're supposed to be doing the laundry," he said as he tried to focus elsewhere than the pain and surprising pleasure at Goh's now gentle ministrations of soap to his back.

"It's in the machine," Goh replied, uninterrupted from his self-appointed task.

"How long have you been in here?" Taki tried to control his voice and breathing, not chancing a glance over his shoulder.

"A few minutes." Goh continued to lather Taki's back, rubbing harder in places to work a light massage into the act as well.

Taki noted the quietness in his lover's voice and the subdued nature of his actions. He was either playing the kicked puppy routine, or something was up. He had stood in the room for several minutes before deciding to join Taki in the shower. A playful Goh would probably have not wasted any time instituting a plan, so he was leaning towards the worry that something was wrong.

"Are you sore," he asked, searching for the cause with the most recent conflict between them.

"Isn't that my line," Goh joked, but it came off more concerned than amused. His arms dropped from Taki's back and wrapped around his chest, resting one hand low on his abdomen.

"Stop," Taki complained as he leaned back into Goh's touch.

"You left the door unlocked," Goh's soft reply seemed more like an argument for some debate raging in his own mind rather than a justification for Taki.

"I can't. Not again," Taki reiterated, a pained expression over his face as he leaned his head back on Goh's shoulder.

"I know. Don't worry," was all that Goh said in response. He tightened his hold.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Taki offered after a moment. He wasn't sure though if he was apologizing for getting up first or the couch thing, but figured it was fine either way.

"S'ok... I'm... Me too..." Goh stuttered. He leaned his forehead onto Taki's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Can I... hold you?" He whispered. "I'll just..."

So Goh was feeling guilty as well, it seemed. Taki relaxed into his lover's touch with his fourth sigh of the shower. Goh readjusted his hold slightly in response and they leaned their heads into the water silently, touching cheeks in wordless understanding.

---

They stood in the bathroom and dried themselves off, more relaxed than either had felt since waking up this morning. Taki wanted to pester Goh about the laundry and the shopping he sent the man out to do, but didn't want to break the calm silence that had fallen between them. It was nice, as their shared silences often were, and he wasn't willing to be the one who gave it up this time.

Fortunately for him he didn't have to be as Goh, who was now half dressed, turned and said, "Here," offering Taki an extra clean shirt he obviously had brought with him when he came to the bathroom earlier.

Taki had to wonder if Goh's plan in bringing the shirt was his initial justification for coming in, or if it was simply a peace offering and his decision to join the man in the shower secondary. He ultimately figured it didn't matter either way. Goh was Goh, after all, and Taki would take him regardless of his motivations. He took the shirt with a nod of thanks and put it on. It was a simple white tee-shirt that fit him snugly. He wondered how much tighter it hung on Goh, who was slightly broader shouldered, but cut the line of thought off as it distracted from what he should be thinking about.

Around now, though, Taki realized he hadn't had a cigarette since getting up this morning. He had been so consumed with making breakfast that he neglected to get his fix, and unless Goh'd had one some time between his own shower and joining Taki in his, which wasn't likely given the amount of time he would have had to do so, hadn't smoked either yet. He decided that would be the next order of business, though of course Goh was ahead of him yet again and already had his pack in hand and was pulling two sticks out for them both.

"You brought that in the bathroom, hm," Taki inquired accusingly.

Goh smiled somewhat guiltily, knowing what Taki meant by it. Bringing cigarettes into a relatively poorly ventilated bathroom wasn't the best of ideas, unless of course, one planned on doing things that would require smoking them immediately afterwards. "Uh, yeah," and another pleased smile was his only defense. He lit both cigarettes and they smoked in silence as they made their way out of the bathroom and down the hall to their rooms.

"I guess I'll do the shopping then. Don't forget about the laundry, though," Taki reminded as they separated to their own rooms to finish dressing.

"Yeah, yeah," Goh waved off dismissively.

"I'm surprised you had time to get it in the machine and back up here so quickly. I figured Kanji would have stopped you again," Taki remarked as he opened the door to his room.

"I can be quick and quiet when I want to be," Goh defended, opening his own.

"I noticed," Taki said with a smile and disappeared through the doorway.

Goh gaped for a moment, but withheld the urge to run into the other man's room and confront him on the tease. Smiling, he sighed, then settled for entering his room finally and making himself presentable for the day. He couldn't help but think about what just happened in the shower, though.

He had gone in there with a clean shirt for Taki, to replace the one that'd gotten messed earlier on the couch, with every intention of startling his lover by making a crack about their underwear tumbling in the machine together. Then, having flustered the man, walking away laughing. Okay, so maybe he didn't plan to leave right after that. He hadn't really planned farther ahead than an excuse to walk in on Taki in the shower. He'd moved stealthily, he thought, and was about to open his mouth, but at that moment Taki had sighed. It was a tired sigh, but he felt something else in it as well. Something sad. It made him sad to hear it and then he began to think about the morning.

He'd been very pushy and Taki'd put up with it like he always did. He even allowed the couch sex. He'd just felt he needed something from Taki at that moment. Sitting quietly on the couch together seemed awkward. As if something was different about what had used to be a normal routine for them. Sure, they ate breakfast silently all the time before they were lovers, and even then afterwards on their trip, but he couldn't help but feel like something was off this morning. Maybe he was overreacting, but he'd felt a sudden distance between them.

He hadn't awoken to the best of situations, after all. It was the same dream again, but he suppressed any train of thought leading to details of it at the moment. He'd had this dream a number of times now, though, and when Taki wasn't there to vent it off with some lovemaking this time he'd been very frustrated and determined to be sated by his lover whatever it took, wherever he had gone off to. If he had been downstairs at Roost he was focused enough to just do the man on the floor of the cafe. He'd been amazed he'd had enough restraint not to attack Taki straight away. Just seeing him in the living room, laying out breakfast for them, seemed to have eased some of his discomfort.

However, after their initial morning banter the usual silence had been very unsettling. He quickly used coffee as an excuse to get out of there. When he'd come back the renewed silence was unbearable and he became desperate. Luckily for him Taki had given in easily.

He hadn't said anything much during the sex. It didn't seem appropriate to speak. This was urgent sex and, while he restrained any real desperate actions, he let his body express his need to his lover. He admitted now that he was indeed very clingy, but he'd found over the years that this was the best way to take his mind off of his anxieties. He'd been careful to make the penetration itself gentle, but he'd bore down on Taki's hips and back a little bruisingly. He was sure there was at least one bite mark on the man's shoulder and Taki probably couldn't reach it himself to take care of it.

All of this had raced through his mind in the bathroom and hearing his lover sigh had made him concerned. Taki was unhappy about something and it probably had to do with him. He worried that Taki was really angry about the couch thing. Not only when he flipped him to the floor, but maybe their round of lovemaking before. He'd gotten up first, obviously to avoid morning sex, and probably because three rounds last night were a lot for him and he didn't know how to say no about another one. They were both pretty prideful men, and Taki would have either had to flatly refuse sex, ruining both of their moods this morning with a fight, or allow the sex and be unhappy about it. So, now Goh was struck with guilt over making Taki do something he may not have been completely willing to do. If that was the case, he thought, he had to make amends.

The planned comment abandoned, Goh was halfway undressed when he even realized what he was doing. He didn't stop himself though and before he knew it he was opening the far side of the shower curtain and moving up behind his lover.

He saw the slightly bruised mark from his bite straight away and had gone for it early on. It seemed to be bothering Taki and he made sure to apologize for it with a massage. Taki looked uncomfortable with him being there and despite his genuine conciliatory behavior, he found himself nevertheless aroused. It was difficult to restrain himself from turning the touch into something more playful, but he managed.

When Taki referenced the incident on the couch he sounded sad again, and Goh was struck with a strange sort of fear. His selfishness was being thrown at him and he wasn't sure if he could take being scolded by his lover right now. He'd desperately grabbed at Taki, which he immediately realized was going to be taken the wrong way. Taki didn't respond violently, though he was clear about not wanting sex again. Goh understood that, but his mind was reeling. He remembered the door having been unlocked when he came in and was feeling mixed signals in that and Taki's current behavior.

Then Taki apologized and he was taken aback. He didn't really understand why Taki thought he owed one, though he considered maybe this was his lover's way of making things right between them and ending this wordless argument. He'd been overwhelmed at the offer and his need for physical contact overcame him. He knew he couldn't have sex, but he needed Taki to accept him.

And Taki did. He allowed it like he allowed so many other things that Goh now became aware he was taking for granted. Every burning and often unfounded jealousy was apologized for in one way or another, even though it wasn't Taki's fault women were shameless in their attractions to him. He brushed off every coercive advance Goh made at all hours of the day and all places public and private. Even when he would punch or toss Goh it was more playful than punishing; like a sweet banter game that they both enjoyed playing. It confirmed their bond, even if it did leave him sore from time to time, but hey, Goh had a habit of leaving Taki sore from time to time, too, right? Probably more so, so it was really Taki who was giving in their relationship. And now he was giving even more. Instead of being angry about being disrupted in the shower he was understanding, compassionate and more than a little conciliatory for things he deserved an apology for as much or more than he owed one for.

Sometimes Goh wondered how he deserved Taki at all. How'd he manage to catch such a perfect guy? He was gorgeous, calm, understanding even if he wasn't receptive to emotional subtlety like Goh was, and utterly giving. And what was he for Taki in return? Impulsive, possessive, demanding and utterly selfish. This train of thought wasn't helping him any, though. It only made him feel even more insecure, and his whole purpose for pursuing Taki's attentions this morning had been to relieve just this feeling.

Goh took a deep breath to dispel the discomfort, finished with his grooming and dressing and made his way out of his room. Taki emerged from his own room at that time as well and they exchanged a relaxed look. Goh had to wonder if Taki just happened to finish dressing at the same time, or if he planned it this way, but ultimately decided it didn't matter. He did look weary though, and Goh couldn't help but be a little worried.

"Tired?"

"Yeah, a little," Taki admitted with a yawn.

"You should have stayed in bed with your lover this morning," Goh teased.

"Hm. Or maybe I shouldn't have let my lover have his way on the couch this morning," Taki countered.

The teasing comment stung a little, but Goh had schooled his features and just laughed it off.

"I guess we should go downstairs," Taki continued. "We both need coffee and Tsunuga's probably in now and we need to say hello to everyone."

"Yeah, I guess," Goh conceded. He wasn't, or at least didn't feel he was, in any position to argue with the other man about staying upstairs for the rest of the day. He'd resigned himself to having to let Taki drag him downstairs.

Taki must have noted the resignation in his lover's voice because he put his arm across the other man's back as they walked down the hall. He wouldn't hold the touch all the way down the stairs, but he was doing his best to show his understanding. Goh got the message, as he was indeed the more receptive of the two of them, and he took the opportunity to reciprocate the touch by wrapping an arm around Taki's waist. As he looked sidelong at the other man, he briefly grappled with the potential of using this leverage to thrust Taki against a wall and test his limits again, but one impatient breath from Taki was enough to break that train of thought completely.

"What?" He argued defensively, but there was more than a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Don't play innocent," was Taki's exasperated reply. "Seriously, you're an animal."

"It's your fault," Goh teased further.

"How is it my fault?"

"For making me want you all the time, of course."

"I can't believe you," Taki laughed.

"Really. Every time you touch me I just want to do you again."

"Ah, well in that case," Taki said as he began to remove his arm.

"Aw, don't be like that, Taki," Goh whined, grabbing at the other man tighter.

Taki chuckled now, and he stopped and turned into the other man. Goh, startled because he thought he was about to get smacked, released his hold, but Taki only leaned forward and took Goh's cheek gently in his hand. He followed up the touch by leaning in farther and giving the other man a light kiss, into which Goh melted unhesitatingly.

When Taki finally broke away he asserted, "All right. Let's go," and turned back to continue down the hall.

Goh just stood there for a moment, watching Taki's retreat. When the other man called after him with a, "Come on," he hurried to catch up and they finally made it downstairs.

Roost was quiet. It was before the lunch rush, but after breakfast so there were no customers. They also noted immediately that Kanji was not there as no one was making a racket. Tsunuga was behind the counter, drying glasses when the two men walked in the door.

He greeted them with a friendly smile and said, "There you are. Kanji said you were back. I was wondering when we'd see you today."

"Hey, Tsunuga," Taki greeted in return. They walked up to the counter and sat down.

"What'll you have?"

"Just coffee. We already ate," Goh replied.

"Coming up," Tsunuga said as he turned to the task. "So, how was your trip?"

"Good," Taki answered succinctly.

"That's good. Mimi'll be upset that she missed you. She's taking a long weekend with her friends," Tsunuga continued with his small talk. This was a casual game. Business had to be worked up to. Right now he was telling them it was fine to speak freely.

"Ah. Where'd Kanji go?" Taki picked up on the hint and inquired. The boy knew about their work, but he had a tendency to be very loud, so his absence was preferred when talking business.

"I sent him on an errand. He should be back soon," Tsunuga answered as he placed the cups down on the counter for the two men. Goh quickly drank his down while Taki took his time and sipped his own slowly.

"So, you boys ready to get back to work, then?" Tsunuga tested.

"Mn," Taki affirmed. It seemed Taki was going to do most of the talking. Goh apparently wanted as little to do with business this morning as possible.

"Good. There's a backlog of cases. Hatozaki's been breathing down my neck wanting to know when you were coming back," Tsunuga laughed. "I'll give him a call and have him bring the files over right away."

"All right," Taki assented.

The usual computer method of assigning them cases would reinitiate once they got going, but because of their absence it seemed that Hatozaki was holding on to the details personally. None of them wanted to be directly connected with each other in regard to their work, so they had to put the process in motion as early as possible. Taki understood this, which was why he had insisted they take care of it right away when they got back.

They sat for a few more minutes, drinking their coffee in relative silence. Goh seemed anxious to get out of there, though, and Taki knew why. If Kanji wasn't around they could slip away without having to be held up by the youth. Kanji wasn't a bad kid, but there was only so much of him Goh could endure and he had apparently been thoroughly accosted already this morning.

Taki finally obliged Goh's desire to leave and they stood to depart. Of course, this was precisely the time that Kanji decided to return.

"Hey! You guys are here!" The youth shouted joyously.

"Good morning, Kanji," Taki replied. He'd have to take the brunt of this, so Goh didn't get annoyed.

"Hey, isn't that one of Goh's shirts, Taki?" Kanji inquired.

"Oh, I made him make a mess in his last clean one. He won't shut up about it," Goh joked.

"Goh!"

Before a fight could break out in the middle of his business, Tsunuga interjected. "Ah, Kanji. I need you to get some boxes for me out of the back."

"Okay! I guess I'll see you guys later then!" Kanji called back as his employer herded him out the back entrance.

"Yeah, bye Kanji, Tsunuga," Goh replied as he followed his irritated lover to the front door.

"What's wrong with you; saying something like that in public," Taki tried to argue as they exited.

Goh grinned. "Oh, come on. First of all, it was just Tsunuga and Kanji. They know about us and they're cool. And secondly, it got us out of there really fast, didn't it?"

Taki sighed. It was true, but he wished his lover would use more appropriate means, or at least ones that didn't embarrass him.

Taki didn't want to discuss it further, so he changed the subject. "Fine. You go finish the laundry. I'm going to the store."

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit," Goh said as he restrained himself from trying for a goodbye kiss. He'd definitely get punched for it right now.

Instead, Goh simply waved Taki off and the two men parted ways. Goh paused to look after the retreating form and smiled. A strange morning, but not an awful one, he decided.

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Originally published: 10/06/06  
Updated: 4/23/07  
4451 words


	3. Sleepless

Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.  
Notes: I'm so very sorry for the delay! Life knocked me in the butt the last couple months. I was busy with work and then I got a terrible cold and of course there was the horrid procrastination that I have no excuse for. I hope this chapter somewhat makes up for making you all wait. I have to wonder if the fact that I listened to a ton of Lacuna Coil while writing this chapter had an effect on the moodier theme found here, though. If you were wondering where _In Their Own Words_ would lead into and/or crossover into this story, the end of this chapter's for you. Go ahead back and reread Taki's chapter. eternalsailorsolarwind, d'you see that Goh kept his hands off Taki for more than an hour? Eh? shinuhoshi, I'm glad you continue to enjoy this story. I hope chapter three is as entertaining for you as the last two were. For the other folks I noticed have either added this story or myself as an author to their favorites, thank you so very much! I am very flattered you like it enough to do so! Please enjoy chapter 3. (9/07/07 Updates: SO SORRY for the delay in finishing these edits. My summer got so busy, but I promise that I will get to work on Chapter 4 now! It'll be out before I hit the one year mark from Chapter 3's original publication. This is my vow!)  
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

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**Sleepless**

It was late now as Taki lay in bed. Goh was already asleep, turned away and lying on his side. Taki listened to the steady breathing of his lover as he lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, one arm propping his head on the pillow. He was tired, and sleepiness continued to edge in, but there were still things on his mind that he couldn't let go.

The afternoon had been filled with chores and errands. When Taki got back with the groceries he'd set about making lunch as Goh finished with the laundry and unpacking. There were souvenirs and gifts to give out, but that could wait for another day. Lunch passed without incident and they spent the next few hours cleaning and straightening up two months of dust and disorder in their living space.

Tsunuga came up to see them at around five. Kanji had gone home for the day already, so he had to drop off the case files himself. There weren't many words exchanged and he left quickly.

Taki had to wonder about that now. There seemed to be some distance between them that hadn't really been there before. Sure, before, Tsunuga had been a mystery: his motivations and past completely unknown. So, in one way there were walls that had been torn down, but in others there was new awkwardness. Worry nagged at him about the approaching time that he and Tsunuga would have to sit down and talk about it. It would come eventually, and when it did, what could he possibly have to say to the man? "Hey, I'm sorry I tried to kill your daughter," or, "I'm glad she made it, sorry about your wife," weren't exactly on the list of appropriate words for a man he knows has suffered as much as Tsunuga.

And what of Tsunuga? How does he really feel about Taki now that he knows everything? He acts friendly, like there are no hard feelings, but is that really possible? Is he harboring resentment for a man who was there when his wife was murdered? Is it even possible for him to forgive Taki for doing what he did? He's a father first, after all, and a friend second, and Taki really did try to kill Mari. The fact that she had survived is really incidental. It might alleviate some of the guilt he has for his actions that she survived, and there's the fact that he had acted under duress, which surely would count in his favor, but even with all of that, guilt by association, particularly the association of his "parents," would be enough to create a lasting rift between himself and Tsunuga.

Taki sighed and pushed the issue to the back of his mind again. The time for this was coming, but it wasn't here yet and he was content not to lay more concerns than necessary on his plate at one time. He directed his attention instead to his lover's sleeping back.

Goh'd gone to bed first. He'd nearly fallen asleep on the couch as Taki worked on the computer, looking up as much as he could find to help them with their new caseload. There wasn't all that much information that could be found out about criminals, particularly yakuza and the like, on the internet, but he could look up geographic locations and information on "known hangouts" in the files, like clubs and bars. Any details would be helpful for when they went out tomorrow.

When Goh'd started to doze, beer still in hand, Taki'd softly suggested he just go to bed. Goh of course wanted to know when Taki'd be joining him. He wasn't being his normal playful self though, as his question didn't have the ring of, "so I can do you," to it. In fact, he'd been on his very best behavior all day. Taki hoped it was just fatigue and not some lingering discomfort from this morning. They'd tried to force their bodies on the plane to adjust to the time zone difference when they arrived home, but they hadn't slept much last night and were up and around most of the day. He felt tired, too, of course, but didn't like leaving work unfinished. Goh seemed to understand and left him in the living room with a light kiss to his temple asking him not to be long. Taki had to smile at his lover's self-restraint.

It was still more than another hour before he decided that rubbing his eyes and yawning as much as he was now doing were good signs he should stop. He went to his room first, finding it empty. He figured Goh had gone to his own room to undress and collapsed on his bed there. That was fine. He quickly readied himself for bed and toyed with the idea of sleeping separately to not risk waking Goh, but knew that excuse wouldn't hold up with the other man in the morning.

No, no doubt Goh would more immediately realize the real motivation for Taki's reluctance to sleep with him tonight. He decided it would probably be easier to hide the fact that something was on his mind by staying close and acting normal.

Light from the window cast shadows on shoulder blades and ribs on Goh's bare torso, making it easier to distinguish the other man in the dark. There was a pang of guilt in Taki for this deception. Two months of hearing Goh tell him that he had to trust him completely, to open up to him, weighted heavily, but so did the fear that what he was holding back would create unneeded concern for both of them, but particularly discomfort for Goh.

Taki sighed again and shifted his mind for the second time tonight.

Four cases at once. It wasn't unexpected, and they weren't tough cases, but two of them needed to be handled in the next day or be lost, and he hated to drop half the workload straight out of the gate. Those two were simple enough, though. One pharmaceutical employee in over his head holding a box of stolen sedatives, probably in his home. If he hadn't already panicked and tossed them, they were surely hidden poorly somewhere in his bedroom. They'd hit that first tomorrow while he was supposedly at work for the day. The other case was just as simple. Find a drug dealer's girlfriend who walked off with half a key of heroin. She wasn't particularly street smart, and there were already reports of her being seen at two clubs in the same neighborhood trying to unload it herself. They had a photo of her and the work he did on the computer tonight narrowed down the locations they'd have to check. The only issue was that the yakuza, whose heroin it originally was, was also close to finding her, so they needed to act quickly.

The third case-- He didn't want to think about the third case right now.

The last case was a little harder, since they didn't already know where the guns were. They had some time to find them, though. The file stated the earliest they could be unloaded was in over a week. The prospective buyer was out of the country and wouldn't be back for another eight days. Well, calling them "guns" was an understatement. They were shoulder-launched missiles; six of them, so it wasn't like the things were going to be sold off to just anyone. Apparently, they were stolen right off of the SDF base in Ichikawa. The SDF wanted them back without any fuss. The last thing they needed was a scandal about munitions security.

Still, it was another arms case. It'd been a long time since they'd had one; not since...

Taki focused his attention involuntarily to Goh's side. He couldn't see the scar in the darkness or with the position the other man was lying in, but he knew it was there. Guilt washed over him and he found himself reaching his arm out to touch his lover's back.

His mistake. A mistake that almost cost him the life of the only person he had ever loved, and would have taken it long before he was even ready to express that love to the other man. Just a fraction further over and he wouldn't be lying on this bed right now watching his lover sleep. The thought of it threatened tears in Taki's eyes.

His fingers had just barely brushed Goh's lower back when the other man shifted suddenly. Taki took a breath in and his heart nearly stopped when he heard Goh's voice call his name.

It took him a moment to realize that the voice which spoke was far too disjointed to be addressing him. Sure enough the other man breathed out loudly and settled again. Taki sighed as well and withdrew his arm finally, having kept it still with some ridiculous notion that its movement would catch the other's attention, exposing his embarrassment at being found not only watching his lover in the dark, but touching him as well.

Of course, no sooner had he let his focus wander away than the other man turned suddenly to lay his arm across Taki's chest. This was followed by Goh laying his head in the crook of Taki's arm. He then settled down a second time with a hum that tickled Taki right in the sensitive patch of flesh between his underarm and chest.

_Well, this is great._ Taki chuckled, looking down at the now still form. Any other person at any other time and he'd have been annoyed at this invasion of his personal space. He'd gently pushed countless women away for daring to touch him in their sleep. Now, though, he tentatively dislodged the arm from under his own head and around Goh's back to his shoulder, taking care not to wake the other man with the touch.

This seemed to have an effect on the apparently sleeping man because Goh turned his face into Taki's shoulder, tightening his closed eyes against the skin and his arm around Taki's waist with another pleased sound. He completed the maneuver by turning yet again and placing a series of heedless, though surprisingly delicate, kisses across Taki's chest and readjusting his head more completely over him as he laid it back down.

Taki couldn't contain the laugh that erupted from him, shaking them both. "Even in your sleep," he mused as he drew his other hand across Goh's face and into his hair, gripping it perhaps a little tighter than he meant to.

The touch, or maybe the laugh, finally roused Goh with a grumble.

"Taki?" The voice was groggy.

"Oh, you're finally awake, are you? Or maybe you were faking it all this time," he whispered back.

Goh picked his head up to face Taki, but his eyes were still clenched shut. He seemed to be trying to process Taki's words, but failed either because he was too tired, or because he didn't understand the context.

He finally managed, "How long have you been in bed?"

"Not long."

"What time is it," he asked as he turned his head, presumably to look for a clock, or at least to confirm that it was still dark outside.

"Late. Go back to sleep."

"Mn," was the incoherent reply. Goh shifted, yawning and pressing closer to Taki.

The yawn must have helped him wake a bit because the next thing out of his mouth was a playful, "When did you get so close?" He emphasized the point by tightening his hold on Taki's waist.

"Around the time you started jumping on me in your sleep." Taki remained still, but kept his eyes focused on Goh's reactions.

Goh smiled, seeming very pleased with himself. But a moment later there was a hesitation. Taki could almost see the thoughts as the other man processed his knowledge that Taki didn't like to be touched in his sleep, but he hadn't pushed him away either and his arms were even around him now.

Goh looked at Taki more seriously, not saying anything but asking with his eyes if this proximity was really okay.

Taki sighed internally. He hadn't wanted to create this kind of unsurety in his lover. Part of him, a guilty part, was relieved of the constant barrage of aggressive affection and attention, but another part of him was disquieted at this uncharacteristic display from Goh. Where was the brash, self-assured and totally impulsive man he fell in love with? He felt displaced, particularly as it forced him to make the next move, and being that he had no idea how to respond to this new passiveness, he couldn't. Instead, they lay there looking at one another in silence.

More awkward silence, like there were words that were supposed to be exchanged right now, but no air on which they could travel. Two drowning souls with nothing between them but their need for one another, pressing against each other as a lifeline.

Goh's breathing seemed loud, too loud, as if it was drawing more and more ragged as each second ticked by without a response from the other. A building of tension that seemed ready to burst and it caused something in Taki to start. He suddenly became too aware of the feel of Goh's back under the arm that he realized now was still wrapped around him. A tremor wracked his body and was felt keenly by them both. Goh seemed to look for the reason behind it and Taki found himself looking for it as well. Still, neither spoke, neither moved and neither looked away from the other.

Taki swallowed hard; fearful and expectant and it seemed too much for the other man as he dragged himself forward finally, pushing his face into Taki's in the darkness, finding his lips and pressing against them. His mouth opened, dragging Taki's open with it and the passion ignited between them like an explosion: uncontrolled and without reservation.

This was something they could do. A way for them to communicate without the mess of words. Goh knowing that Taki was too uncomfortable with his feelings to express them openly and Taki knowing that Goh was too proud to admit he was scared and needed the assurance that he would not be abandoned; not again. Not ever again.

It was strange. An entire argument begun, fought and ended without words. A rush of emotions from both of them over something that really amounted to nothing more than a touch in the dark between sleeping lovers.

Goh's weight was fully on Taki now, the restraint brought about by his insecurities abandoned in the face of his desire. Touch that he very consciously denied himself for the better part of the day.

Well, not precisely. He'd stolen a few moments as Taki stood over the stove making dinner tonight. The curry smell had attracted his attention from the case files he was looking over by himself in the living room. He went to investigate what dish Taki was cooking up and couldn't help himself from wrapping his arms around the other in the too-small kitchen in their apartment. He'd considered for a moment the fact that they hadn't made love there yet. The room was cramped, having just enough space for two or three bodies to move around as long as they didn't try opening any cabinets or the refrigerator door. The perfect amount of space, however, to push another man up against a solid surface and have a round or two with; hot and cozy. He'd had to close his eyes against the impulse to do just that.

Taki'd been patient about it, not grumbling or pushing away, but not moving his hands from his task to respond either. Goh'd taken the hint that if he pushed any farther there would be an argument, and he didn't want that tonight. He wanted to give Taki his space, so he moved away and opened the fridge to get them a couple beers. He'd then opened a cabinet to get dishes as the food looked about ready to serve, pushing his desire to the back of his mind for later.

A healthy exertion of self-control, he told himself, only now it was erupting like the pressure of a shaken can of soda, finally opened. He hoped, however, that this eruption wouldn't travel all the way down his body just yet. He needed to assert control right now. Not of himself like he had today, but of Taki.

He also hoped that Taki would allow this, and was relieved when he didn't struggle against it, like he was being swept away with the surging tide of Goh's need. Instead, Taki tightened his grip on Goh's shoulder and brought his other hand around the waist that was now pressing harder against his body, his mind racing.

Goh'd said that when he touches Taki it makes him want to have him. Taki'd shrugged it off this morning as more of his sense of humor, but now he knew what he meant. This proximity was too much, yet he couldn't get enough. He needed more. He realized now that touch was something too intimate for him. He'd needed someone to love in order to justify allowing them this close to him. He needed to trust them like he trusted Goh now. Trust them not to hurt him, lie to him or any number of other terrible betrayals one could enact on another.

Perhaps this was one of the underlying reasons for his reluctance to allow people close most of his life. He'd been a pretty sensitive child, he reminded himself, having long since rejected such a notion as emotional weakness in himself (with varying success). Mizuki's arms had always comforted him. Until that night that changed his life and set him down the path that eventually led to Goh, of course. But was it really then that Taki had started to push people away? Was it right of him to blame Mizuki for all of the dysfunction in his life? He'd trusted Mizuki and not in the same way he trusted Katsuro. He never let Katsuro get close to him like that. Sure, part of that reason was the fact that Katsuro sometimes hit him, but even then he never felt afraid for his life from the man. There was something unique in his connection to Mizuki back then. A trust that ran deeper than the knowledge that he was safe, that he wouldn't be harmed or put in danger. Of course, now he knew that trust was completely false, but back then it was a truth.

And perhaps it was unfair of Mizuki to put a sixteen year old boy, with no experience living in the real world, in a position like that. To be forced into a situation in which everything that he thought he had known about his life had just been shattered, forced to take an action that was not of his own will, and then subjected to yet another one.

Did that mean then that Mizuki's betrayal, twice that night, had been as lasting a pain as it was because of some form of love he had been denying was even possible? That his ultimate rejection was based more on the irreparable shattering of the trust that lay between them over what had happened earlier than in the idea that he was disgusted by the thought of being with another man? Well, now of course, he knew that he really didn't find it disgusting at all. Not when he trusted someone and loved them as much as he did his partner. But would things have really gone differently if he hadn't been forced to kill that night and Mizuki had still made a move on him? He'd told Mizuki that the love he had for him had been the love of family and he hadn't lied, so did it mean that his love could have or would have changed that night under different conditions? Was it mere coincidence or circumstance that decided things like love?

Is that how it happened with Goh, too? The right event, like getting shot or his former partner showing up keying just the right realization at just the right pivotal emotional moment to allow him to recognize that feeling and accept it. Another situation a little later forcing him to finally act desperately, like Goh was acting now.

Goh's arms had snaked their way around Taki, crushing whatever had been left of the space between them. Bare chest against bare chest in an embrace that refused to end. Their kiss had gone on for a very long time and both were nearly breathless, but completely unwilling to disconnect themselves from one another, even for a moment.

---

It was several minutes before anything happened again. The kiss and the embrace now a memory in the ache of muscles and the cold aftereffect of sweat.

"Feel better now," Taki asked when they had finally separated enough to look each other in the eye again.

"Mn." Taki took the noise to be an affirmation.

He brought his hand up to run through the hair on the side of Goh's head. "Then go to sleep."

There was silence for a moment, but it wasn't to last.

"Hey, Taki?"

"Hm?"

"What do women talk about in bed?"

"How do you manage to come up with the most random things to ask about?"

"Is it really so random?" Goh propped his head up to rest his chin on Taki's chest, looking at him intently.

"In the context of what we were just doing?" Taki looked back lazily, sleep finally trying to take hold of him.

"I was just wondering. You don't seem very good at this. I thought you would be, with all that practice."

"Talking to women?" Taki smiled.

"Yeah. Don't they want to talk in bed?" Goh rested his elbow on the mattress and raised his head to lean against his open palm.

"I guess. What's your point?"

"I wanted to know what they talk about." He raised his other arm up to rub gently against the skin in a spot on Taki's chest.

"Why?" Taki yawned. Why was Goh trying to keep him awake?

"Curious," Goh said as he dipped down to kiss the same spot.

Taki grabbed the back of his head, threading his fingers through the other's hair again. This was mostly to serve as a warning about where things like that lead, but Goh didn't seem particularly interested in pushing any issue and stopped after the one kiss. Instead he looked back up at the other, waiting for his answer.

Taki sighed, resigning himself to this conversation. "Lots of things, I guess. I don't know. I was never a very good listener. Usually, I was trying to think of a way to get them to go away."

"That's awful." Goh did his best imitation of disgusted, but it came off as more an amused, "That's so like you," than anything else.

Taki smiled back, knowingly. "Oh, and you never did that with men?"

"Hey, I'm a romantic guy."

"Yeah, you are," Taki responded, using the arm that had fallen to the other's shoulder to pull him in for a kiss. He broke the moment, however, by adding, "But I bet you only listened to them so you could do them a few more times."

"You're so mean, Taki," Goh whined.

They grinned at each other. A silence stretched out again, but it didn't hold any of the tension of earlier.

Goh leaned down one more time to kiss Taki, his features softening. Before he pulled away he whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?" Taki looked quizzical, but Goh had already laid his head back down.

"Tonight," was the finally sleepy response.

Taki started to let himself be taken by that same feeling. "Well then, thank you."

"For what?"

"...This life."

Goh breathed out. Whatever was left of his tension that night went with it. He shifted one last time, settling in where he had been when he'd woken up: an arm around Taki's waist and his head on Taki's chest. Taki embraced him as he had earlier in return.

"Is it really okay?"

"Yes."

"I love you, Taki."

The last word seemed to trail off, reminding Taki of the first time he heard it tonight. Reminding him and making him wonder if the similarities in it between the sleeping Goh, before waking up, and the waking Goh, falling asleep, meant something or not. Was there something else in Goh's desperation tonight aside from his mistake in not reacting to the man's insecurities about waking up in his arms? Was Goh hiding something from him like he was?

Taki didn't really have any time to ponder these new questions too deeply. He slipped into unconsciousness, reminding himself briefly about work tomorrow and the other things he needed to take care of. He didn't know if Goh set the alarm, and he really didn't care. They could sleep in a little.

* * *

Originally Published:12/10/06  
Updated: 9/07/07  
4197 words


	4. Dreams

Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.  
Notes: I have absolutely no excuse for the delay. I apologize profusely to all who have been waiting for this chapter. It isn't the prettiest I could have made it, and you all can probably expect some edits at some point in the future, but for now I am going to move forward and put this painful memory of writer's block and a total lack of motivation behind me. For those following both versions of this fic, there is no edited version of this chapter (no smex this time, sorry). Also, if you're familiar with Yellow EX you may see some similarities with and allusions to it within this chapter. FF reviewers: eternalsailorsolarwind, heh, a year later and I can still spell it without looking. Anyway, thank you for your continued support. Without you this chapter may never have been finished! AFF reviewers: Bards Apprentice, thank you for being the brave first reviewer to my fic at AFF. Sex and kittens... Yeah, they do seem to go well together, huh. ilovemyhon, I hope this chapter and the direction of the fic satisfies your request (I was going there anyway, but I'm happy to have been able to oblige). Ashcat, I'm sorry I didn't update soon! I meant to, really! Thank you for your kind words! arsenalsgirl, thank you for your comments, I'm flattered that you think I have written a piece worthy of Tateno-sensei herself. I hope everyone continues to enjoy this piece and I will try to write faster in the future!  
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

* * *

**Dreams**

Goh was still in bed. Taki'd gotten up already and he wondered how the other man could possibly have the energy given how early it still was and how late he'd come to bed, especially considering that Goh himself really didn't want to get up. Well, he did and he didn't. He wanted to go find Taki and drag him back here, then he wanted to go back to sleep. That, or other things. Well, really just the other things. He didn't really want to go back to sleep at all. He'd been having _the dream_ almost every night the last couple weeks and usually when Taki wasn't around or was being distant emotionally, which, to be honest, he could swear was ingrained in the other man's genes sometimes.

They'd slept so close last night, though. It was sound and peaceful; Goh barely registered when Taki dislodged himself to go to the bathroom in the pre-dawn hours. When he came back he made no attempt to separate himself from Goh's proximity, like he hadn't been just humoring his lover with the offer earlier, nor did he make any insinuations that Goh should feel guilty about... anything. It would have been enough to make Goh weak in the knees if he hadn't already been in bed. In turn, Goh had made no moves to push Taki. They'd just continued to enjoy each other's company and gone back to sleep. A perfect postcard image of domesticity.

Of course, Goh couldn't resist the temptation to imagine such a postcard: the two of them naked and partially exposed in bed together, Goh with his hand over Taki's bare chest and Taki looking back at him contented, the caption reading, "How Men Communicate," or, "Wish you were here?" or any number of other clever things. Goh had to laugh and wonder who they'd want to send something like that to. Well, he'd send one to everyone he knew. Taki, however, would probably want to burn them all, lest they damage his cool reputation. Though, all this talk of postcards made him very interested in getting his hands on some actual photographs of Taki in bed. He'd have to consider how to go about that, deciding having the real thing would have to content him for now.

And he _was_ content, though however pleasant last night was, Goh was still uncomfortable. He couldn't put a finger on quite what was wrong, but this recurring dream wasn't helpful. Okay, well, the simple fact of the matter was: the dream was embarrassing. Goh's dreams have a nasty habit of focusing on the things that he wants but can't have. When he first fell in love with Taki he dreamt about being with him all the time, so this sort of thing wasn't a new phenomenon for Goh. He'd been fantasizing about the other man in both waking and sleeping hours for a very, very long time.

At first the dreams had been longing and erotic, but always ended before he was satisfied. A fleeting touch, a soft cry of his name, but no real hope of fruition. His sex dreams in particular were always a step, or three, ahead of where he wanted to be with another man. Whenever he got to that step, in the case of Taki when they finally became lovers, the dream would shift to something else he "couldn't have," making his dreams the outlet for the fantasies he was denied in his waking hours.

When they finally became lovers the dreams consistently evolved in this manner. Before, the fantasies were modest yet seemed unattainable at the time because of Taki's perceived resistance and heterosexuality. Now, those fantasies were realities, so his dreams had to become wilder to keep them above his expectations for attainability.

In the beginning it was all about positions. They started with missionary, so Goh dreamt about taking Taki from behind. Then, after they'd done it from behind, he started dreaming about having Taki with the other man above him. Eventually they did this, too and continued on in this way. Eventually, instead of simply dreaming about the ways in which he would seduce and pleasure Taki, his mind started inventing situations involving public places and positions that were nearly impossible. Of course, he'd then try to make these fantasies into realities in his waking hours, with varying degrees of success dependent upon Taki's mood, although often, to his surprise and excitement, many of these fantasies in turn came to pass in one way or another. Taki was surprisingly receptive to new experiences, though he'd take this nasty ethical high ground that prevented Goh from getting everything he wanted. After their first night in Rome, for example, he'd tried to convince Taki to go back to Trevi fountain and do it in the middle of the night, but Taki was having none of that. They'd quickly set boundaries, habits and the usual routine of Goh pushing, Taki resisting, and eventually finding a middle ground that they both felt comfortable in.

When he had the original form of his current dream it was exciting. It was a little strange for Goh to be having sex dreams about one of the lovers he was currently engaged with, but he figured it was due to the overwhelming feeling of euphoria at finally having Taki return his affection overflowing into his sleeping hours. He also assumed it was because those other relationships were never serious and never lasted long enough for him to come up with new fantasies to aspire to and dream about. He seemed to completely miss, or rather stubbornly deny, the idea that it had anything to do with his insecurities in being with a man his equal and otherwise hetero.

The first time he woke up from the dream he couldn't contain himself and rolled over onto his lover right there and then. Taki seemed none the wiser, as Goh had a habit of doing that anyway. It wasn't until the dream started getting out of control that he realized anything was out of the ordinary, and by then, of course, it was too late.

By "out of control," though, it wasn't to suggest that the dream was particularly vulgar or intensely frightful, at least not from the perspective of anyone looking from the outside. This was probably why Goh decided it better to keep it to himself. He was uncomfortable enough as it was and didn't need the embarrassment of anyone else knowing about it and laughing at him for either having such a "silly" dream or being insecure about it, particularly if it was Taki.

That fact specifically is what is driving his insecurities about this particular one. It isn't that he's uncomfortable about... it, it's just that given that the other party is Taki he isn't so sure what to expect. Maybe he should just go for it and see if it makes the dream stop. If he has a resolution to the problem perhaps he can move on to something a little less awkward.

It always started the same way. They were home from their honeymoon and Taki was working part time in some bar. Goh'd come in, Taki'd kick him out for giving the female patrons nasty looks and then drag him back to help when business got really busy. All of this was simply a prelude to what came next. After closing the bar out, Taki would give Goh his "reward" for his help.

The first form of the dream was pretty standard: Taki let Goh have him up against the bar. It was actually almost a little too tame compared to what he would have expected to progress next in his "fulfillment" dreams as he liked to call them. It was a public place, but no one else was there and there really wasn't a risk of being caught. He had trouble grasping exactly what it was he was "lacking" in his waking hours to garner such a dream, but he didn't dwell too much on it at the time.

The second time he had the dream one interesting element had been added: Taki went down on him. Taki had barely reached the level of comfort in their actual sex acts to be touching Goh with his hands, let alone mouth. At this point of the dream's evolution he chalked it up to his desire for Taki to become more active in their lovemaking, to initiate more and reciprocate pleasure. This was actually a pretty novel cocept for Goh. For him to give up total control in the bedroom was not something he'd done for a very long time, not since the early days when he was still inexperienced.

And herein laid the spark for what came next. He cursed himself now for ever trying to "understand" these dreams. He was positive if the words, "give up control" had never crossed his mind he wouldn't be in this predicament...

Anyway, Taki was up and he'd be coming in to get Goh out of bed soon enough because they had work to do today and-- oh, here he was now. Goh made a very obvious attempt to look asleep.

"Really smooth there, Goh," the amused voice of his lover called from above him.

"Mmn, Taki? What time is it?" Goh made an even more obvious attempt to "clumsily" roll over and reach for the alarm clock, as if he'd just awoken.

"Nice try. Get up." Taki grabbed the alarm clock before Goh's outstretched arm could reach it.

Goh smiled up at Taki, reaching for the alarm in Taki's hand, but taking Taki by the arm instead, running his fingers down Taki's forearm suggestively. "I _am_ up."

"I meant out of bed," was Taki's quick reply. He knew exactly where Goh was trying to go with this and they simply didn't have the luxury of screwing around, neither figuratively nor literally, this morning.

"I prefer the other." Without missing a beat himself, Goh drew Taki closer and ran his nose up over the other man's shirt front.

"We have work to do," Taki chided.

"Mn."

Taki laid his free hand on top of Goh's head, threading his fingers through Goh's hair.

Goh stopped. He'd planned to start kissing the place he'd just rubbed his nose, but the feeling of Taki's fingers, tensing in anticipation of grabbing his hair threatened to completely kill the wonderful mood they'd had since late last night. Instead, he looked up at Taki, meeting his suspicious eyes with an innocent gaze he knew would disarm the other man. He drew his hand away from Taki's arm, pushed his head back through Taki's fingers and laid against the pillow, keeping their eyes steady on each other as he used his freed arm to prop his head up.

Taki was silent for a moment. It wasn't that he was unaware that this was a game, he just didn't know which one Goh was playing and he didn't know how he should react to it. It was obvious what Goh was ultimately after, particularly based on the coy look he was being given right now; it was just a matter of how Taki should proceed. He felt uncomfortable denying it outright. He worried that he was giving Goh the impression he wasn't interested, when really it was just that Goh seemed to want it all the time and Taki knew they had other things they needed to do than lay in bed all day making love. But he couldn't give in to Goh's desires like this. Not only did they specifically have work to do right now, but he also needed to set boundaries and assert some measure of control in this relationship. It scared him how prone he was to being swept away with Goh's passion and conceding on this point was the same as surrendering and he wasn't very comfortable with that either. If he didn't act quickly, though, Goh would and he'd probably win.

Taki made a decision and, instead of waiting for Goh's next move, he sighed, leaned forward and kissed the other man. It was brief, but gentle and loving. It also seemed to catch Goh completely off-guard. Before he pulled away, knowing he needed to pull away quickly or his plan would backfire and Goh would have him, Taki brought his hand to the other's face and lightly brushed his fingers down his cheek.

"Okay," he started. He pulled more completely away before he finished. "Later... If you behave yourself today."

Goh, who'd instinctively pursued Taki's retreat halfway, stopped at those words.

"What-"

"I promise," Taki interrupted, giving it his best "sincere" smile.

"Taki..." Goh was utterly dumbfounded, which worked just fine for Taki's purposes.

"We have to leave soon, so you need to get up now." Taki left the room quickly. If he stayed, Goh would find a way to get what he wanted without waiting for it. He looked at his watch, relieved to see that they wouldn't miss their window as long as Goh really did get up and get ready right now. Judging from the clumsy thud of Goh rolling off the bed, he was fairly confident. He chuckled to himself as he returned to the kitchen to finish making breakfast.

* * *

When Taki and Goh finally left they made a bit of a ruckus coming down the stairs. Something about Goh taking too long to get ready and walking a little too closely when they were on their way to a job. Tsunuga was already in for the day, but he didn't disturb their departure. He didn't want to interject in that uncomfortable situation, particularly not after he heard the words, "Don't even think about touching me there!" Neither did he think he could muster the strength to face either man right now even if he hadn't. There were a lot of unresolved issues and dealing with Taki and Goh in any other context than work was going to be tricky for a while, if it were ever to settle down at all. 

It wasn't the issue of "apologies" that concerned him. There was guilt, yes, and awkwardness about what had happened, but he was more concerned about where they actually stood. He was a little surprised that the two of them even came back to their apartment, let alone came back to work as snatchers after all that had happened.

It served his purposes just fine, though. He used them, yes, and he planned to continue to do so, but there was a difference now, or so he hoped, that would relieve some of that "guilt" for previous deception: Taki and Goh knew everything now. His identity was no longer a secret and his past was laid bare for them to know and to understand.

His goal had changed, though. Before, he was single-mindedly after Sandfish, and using Taki to get to them, knowing who he was to them, was well within his capacity as it turned out. Now he had his daughter back. He no longer had nothing to lose in this game and his enemy was so much more insidious than he ever would have expected. To think that the very people who he called colleagues would be the ones to betray him was enough to drive him to continue his quest for revenge-- no, not revenge anymore. This was about justice now; the whole of society suffered when the very people who are supposed to protect them are as corrupt as the people they are supposed to be protecting them from. With Taki and Goh willing to continue to work with him as snatchers, it was only a matter of time before he could use them again to seek this new end. He would make sure that his life's tragedy would not be repeated upon anyone else. He would make sure that his daughter would be able to grow up in a world free of such evil.

Yes, Tsunuga was sure of his convictions, but there was still a game to play, and the rules were different than they had been before. The police, particularly those who had wronged him, were most certainly looking harder at his activities, and Taki and Goh were most certainly wary of his motivations now. He had to consider how next to proceed. Continuing with his work here was risky, but he didn't get this far by taking the "safe" road.

First he needed to get them settled back into the old routine. Nothing could be resolved between them if they were all still uneasy about the work. Then he needed to settle up with Taki. He was sure that Taki knew this was coming as well, and was waiting for Tsunuga to give him a sign that things were okay between them. Taki was a good kid, Tsunuga knew that, and he didn't hate him for what happened back then; he was pretty sure of that. Still, there was a lot of pain left bare and when Taki finally comes to him to make the final amends, to settle things, he needed to be ready. Tsunuga never thought coming through with the words, "It's okay," or, "I forgive you," could be so difficult, especially given the circumstances. Was it because he was still holding onto the anger at the loss of his family? Or, was it because he understood the weight these words carried for the young man he was destined to speak them to, and he was afraid of messing it up and damaging Taki's fragile emotional state?

In any event, he needed to finish setting up soon. Kanji wouldn't be in until after classes today, and he still had to see Mari to school. He knew he was being a "doting father" for seeing her off every morning, but he needed to establish a routine of consideration for his daughter, half of whose life he has already missed out on.

* * *

Taki'd thought that the job this morning was a little too easy. They were in, found the drugs and got out without a hitch. For a first case back it was incredibly simple, and he grappled between being suspicious about it and brushing it off as Tsunuga and Hatozaki's attempts at giving them an easy one to start off. Goh, of course, didn't want anything to do with the thing after they returned to Roost and dropped off the goods. His philosophy was that they were getting paid to steal the drugs, not solve the problems of the people involved and he'd much rather spend that extra time alone with Taki doing other things. And to a point, Taki agreed. 

Goh went straight back to bed when they returned to the apartment. He tried to claim his prize for "behaving himself," but Taki reminded him that they had three cases still pending, one of which needed to be settled in the next day and another within the next three to five.

The yakuza would be closing in on that stupid girl who stole his drugs. They needed to catch up to her tonight, but Taki also wanted to get things moving on the third case as well, and do it himself. He had to find a way to convince Goh to go on the second case by himself, without arousing the other man's suspicions. It didn't help that their targets in both cases were women. He would normally just tell Goh to stay home when he started complaining about "female targets," but things were more complicated right now. Not only did they actually need to get to work on both cases tonight, Taki had to consider Goh's obvious discomfort with him being alone with women.

He settled on the argument that Goh dealing with the girl and the yakuza's drugs would be simple because all he really had to do was find her. Very little pleasantry was needed because he could just locate and tail her until Taki came later to back him up to snatch the drugs from her. Hell, there was a good chance she had the heroin on her or had it close by. She didn't seem like a very smart girl from the case file information.

In the meantime, Taki could go to the bar where his own target was and make arrangements. A part of him knew this deception was ridiculous and would only cause more problems for his relationship farther down the road, but his rationalism was being overtaken by a greater fear over the facts in this particular situation. What he really needed was to control as much of the information from as early a time as possible and hope things didn't blow up in his face.

After successfully convincing Goh that splitting off tonight was the best course of action, they both settled down for a nap. Taki in particular was exhausted since he'd slept very little last night. Perhaps this fact is what kept Goh from pushing for the rest of the day and into the night after their late dinner, but it was more likely he was "playing nice" so he could get his "reward" for behaving later. Taki was fine with it either way; it meant he'd have the energy to devote to the work. It was after ten when they finally departed. Goh made one last move that Taki deftly rebuffed. Somehow it didn't make Taki angry or Goh upset; it had become a comfortable routine for them to do this every time they parted. The image of Goh rubbing his side where he'd been punched left a smile on Taki's face as he made his way out. He was not only amused, but relieved that things had remained "normal" between them up to this point. It would help make things go smoother later.

* * *

The bar was dimly lit: not the kind of establishment that catered to a high class or trendy crowd. Many of the customers here worked in industry in Japan's struggling manufacturing plants or in construction: working men. It served mostly western liquors, but the cultural divide didn't seem to be on anyone's mind. 

The bartender here was very popular with these men and Taki already knew exactly why. When he made his way up to the bar she was already busy with several other customers. Second shift had just let out it seemed and there was a rush of men clamoring to get a few drinks in before they had to go home for the night and get some rest.

Taki'd chosen to dress simply tonight. A plain tee-shirt tucked into looser fitting jeans than he normally wore, with an equally plain collared shirt over it, unbuttoned and untucked. He didn't want to stand out too much here and draw any unwanted attention. His target was not among these men and he'd avoid confrontation with any of them if he could help it. This was also another excuse he used to keep Goh from coming with him. It was true that he didn't trust the other man to behave himself, but he really didn't want to see Goh's reaction to what was about to happen.

"I'll be with you in a moment, dear," was all he heard as he sat down in the farthest stool. She didn't seem to have more than glanced in his direction yet, instead balancing several bottles of liquor in an impressive show of cocktail mixing. They weren't the fancy cocktails that were normally ordered in the kinds of places Taki'd worked in over the years, given the clientele. He was, of course, much more popular with women, and found work in the types of bars which catered to them. From the look of it, most of the patrons of this establishment drank beer or hard liquor with and without ice only. Calling the mixed drinks "cocktails" was really just a formality. They usually involved adding some form of juice or two types of liquor into a glass, liberally. Taki recognized the simple screwdriver the bartender was handing over now.

When she finally turned to take his order he flashed his most charming girl-catching smile.

"What can I do for y-" When their eyes met she nearly dropped the glass she was holding.

Taki's smile deepened.

"Oh, my dear God," the woman cried as she clasped her hands over her mouth.

"Uh, hey. Long time no see."

* * *

Unfortunately for Taki, luck would not be on his side tonight. 

Goh knew he should be surveilling his own target right now, but something about the way Taki rationalized the job assignments bothered him. He seemed far too concerned about selling the idea of becoming a bartender to get close to their next target. Of course that would have been the obvious choice for this particular case; they'd done the same trick numerous times in the past. It was the way Taki didn't seem, or was trying not to seem agitated about selling the idea of himself close to a woman when he knew Goh was the jealous type. He was far too quick to brush off Goh's concerns before he even got a chance to voice them. Something was up and he was going to find out what it was.

He'd already taken care of that dumb girl. She was so unbelievably easy to locate that it was almost laughable that he, a hardened homo, could get close enough to stick a transmitter on her without arousing any suspicions. Once he finished here he could easily track her back down before Taki joined him.

The bar wasn't too far away either, and he arrived in remarkable time; it'd barely been an hour since he and Taki had parted ways. Goh waited for another patron to exist the building, so he could catch the door with his hand. He only glanced in sideways to ascertain if Taki was indeed inside.

He located the other man on a far barstool. He was playing the "charming prince" act right now with the bartender. It riled Goh up a bit, like it always did to see women fawning over his partner, but he understood that this was part of the job. Well, he wanted to believe that this was part of the job.

And he tried to believe that this was part of the job, but then he distinctly heard something that he didn't even know how to begin to react to. The woman leaned forward and said, without a doubt, "Oh, it's been so long since I've seen you, Taki." She also touched his cheek, which Goh wasn't too pleased about but he was trying not to think about it.

If he hadn't heard Taki's name, he might have been able to ignore the comment. He also might have been able to convince himself that he had simply mistaken her words if Taki's reply hadn't been, "Yeah, must be about five, maybe six, years now?"

At this point Goh'd heard enough. He didn't wait to listen to any more of the conversation and he let the door shut and started walking back down the street. Taki knew this woman. That was clear. He knew her and he didn't tell Goh about her when the case came up. Why would he keep that kind of information from him? Did he simply not know she was the target? Her name was in the file, so unless Taki had a terrible memory or simply hadn't known the woman's name from the start (which was somewhat plausible given how promiscuous the other man has been with women), he had neglected to share this information intentionally.

Something didn't sit well with this. Five or six years would have made Taki in his teens at the time. What was Taki doing with some woman, who from the looks of it, is easily ten years his senior, at a time when he was still a minor? Who was this woman to Taki?

Goh was going to find out, but right now he needed to cool off. Stealing some heroin might just do the trick at the moment.

* * *

12/04/07  
4698 words


	5. Nightmare

Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.

Notes: Some dialogue lifted from the EX scanlation. I hope the smut in this chapter makes up, even a little bit, for both the lack of it in the last chapter, and the long wait since the last chapter. Special thanks, again, go to eternalsailorsolarwind, without whom this chapter may never have been finished. Constant prodding and feedback really make a difference in motivation to write...

Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

* * *

**  
Nightmare**

Goh didn't question what he was doing here, standing behind the bar with his pants around his ankles, Taki on his knees in front of him. The sensation he was experiencing was far too pleasurable to want to deny. When he walked in just a few minutes ago he'd passed some woman. He hadn't bothered to look at her face or otherwise identify her in any way, but the fact that she'd been the last one out, the last one Taki'd "served" before closing, had irritated him.

Taki's "consolation" this time had been this offer, and while Goh hadn't refused, or rather, couldn't refuse, he was still agitated. His plan was to make sure Taki knew who he belonged to, who was in control of his needs and desires. It wasn't some woman, it was _him_. The fact that the woman was essentially just some random customer was lost on him. Taki was _his _now, finally, and he wasn't going to share him with anyone.

Goh quickly approached his peak, but as he attempted to pull Taki away, to finish this on his own terms, he found himself suddenly weak. He wondered if he'd misjudged the timing as Taki's grip on his hips tightened and he forced the last of Goh's resistance out of him. There was a brief shuddering of breath and then complete silence.

Spent, Goh attempted to compose himself. Taki was standing up as Goh swayed backwards, resting his weight against the bar. It seemed the other man wasn't finished and he leaned in to press his lips against Goh's. The kiss intensified when Taki grabbed at the back of Goh's head, pushing against his lips and sliding his tongue inside.

When Taki drew back, Goh let out a sigh.

"Taki..."

"Shh," Taki hushed as he leaned down to press his lips against Goh's nape, then his collarbone, scraping against it lightly with his teeth.

"..W-wait..." Goh tried to push back against Taki, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Taki wasn't behaving normally. This was too aggressive.

"Why should I wait," Taki asked as he ignored Goh's resistance and pushed at Goh's unbuttoned shirt, transferring his attention to the bare chest before him. "It's my turn now."

Panic finally set in as Goh realized his energy was completely sapped. How could one little orgasm render him so completely powerless? He pushed at Taki again, but Taki responded this time by grabbing his wrists.

"W-what are you doing?" His voice was begging as he struggled to free himself unsuccessfully.

"What do you mean? I said it was my turn," Taki replied as he wrenched Goh's wrists around to turn the other man into and then over the bar. One hand held his wrists in place as a second grabbed at his thighs, forcing them apart.

The last thing he remembered was a mumbled, "I guess you'll do," and a searing pain in his lower back...

...Goh awoke in a sweat. He wasn't sure if he'd hollered himself awake, but there didn't seem to be any response from Taki. Taki... where was he? Goh looked at the pillow next to him. The other snatcher wasn't there. He reached over and felt that the pillow was cold, so he hadn't been there recently. He searched his brain, trying to collect his thoughts.

That was right, they'd gotten in very late, close to dawn in fact, having easily procured the drugs from that dumb girl and beaten a few thugs for good measure. She'd run off into the night alone. If she was smart she'd skip town and never return, but Goh really didn't care what happened to her at all. When they got home Taki was acting "normal," or as close to that word as he was capable. Goh'd always had a sense that Taki was on edge around him. He chalked it up to homophobia for the first year, and since then to insecurity in his new homosexual relationship, but it was still there, nagging at Goh to see it for what it really was: Taki was wary of him, and not just because he was gay. He knew that Goh was adept at reading people, a skill he himself lacked in social relationships. Taki knew that if something was up, some slight irregularity in his breathing or posture or voice, that the other man would pick up on it right away, and it scared him.

What tipped off Goh's radar tonight was how Taki brought up their arrangement from earlier in the evening. He'd promised the snatcher that they could pick up where they'd left off if Goh behaved himself, and, as far as Taki knew, he had. He'd made no grumblings during the operation with that girl and no sexual advances whatsoever throughout the night. Taki was clearly led to believe that Goh was acting the part of the "good boy" in order to obtain his prize as soon as they got home. And it wasn't so much the fact that Taki seemed eager to reward Goh for his behavior as his nervousness in doing so. It was a tick, really: a way Taki cocked his head to the side, acting coy, and leaning his body against the wall that was the tip-off. Something was behind Taki's eyes, but of course Taki had no idea that Goh knew a little more than nothing about what that was.

When Goh'd approached and embraced him, Taki'd shuddered a little, nervously. He was hiding something and all of Goh's fears that he'd hoped would be assuaged by Taki's body language in his arms were instead pricked tighter against his nerves. Any sense that he might have had to go about "business as usual" dissolved inside him. The kiss that Taki assumed would follow the embrace was reduced instead to a peck on the cheek and an apology that he was simply too "tired" now, but, oh, he'd take a rain-check for later if that was okay. Taki's humored affirmation of consent for the new arrangement was accompanied by muted relief that left a pang in Goh's chest. He held Taki for a moment more before withdrawing to his room. Taki reached after him, his hand slipping off Goh's arm, a little concern in his eyes, but also a sense that he was reassuring himself that everything was fine and Goh really was just tired. He'd called after Goh that he'd join him in bed after he did a little more work settling the case and arranging a drop time and place for the drugs in the morning or afternoon.

But it seemed he never had come to bed. Goh, restless, had laid on the mattress, trying not to consider all of the things that were wrong with the situation he was in. As the sun peeked itself above the horizon Goh willed himself to sleep, trying to ignore all of that discomfort. He'd always somehow been good at that: pushing his pain away and going about his day like it wasn't affecting him at all. It would work for a little longer he knew, but as it always did, it would creep up on him eventually, shattering him emotionally. He'd never even considered how quickly his subconscious would make him relive his insecurities, in his sleep no less.

The dream had startled him awake, but he was only left restless again. If Taki wasn't in his room, there was really only one other place to look. Goh, in nothing but his boxers, padded into the living room, finding his partner leaning against the window, a cigarette drooping loosely from his lips. The computer behind him was turned on and it seemed Taki was waiting for an upload or download to finish. More details for their other two cases, he suspected. Why that couldn't have waited 'till morning irritated Goh, and not just because it was a nasty habit of Taki's to do things like this. It was clear Taki was avoiding coming to bed. He was avoiding Goh and that made him more upset than anything.

Whatever this thing with this woman was that Taki didn't want him to know was clearly something to be concerned about. The sky outside was cloudy and grey. A storm looked about to hit. Taki's eyes were distant and it took him several moments to notice the other man approaching. Goh deliberately moved the long way around the room, sweeping past the TV and couch to stand in Taki's view on the other side of the couch. The only light in the shadowy room, from the computer, cast an eerie glow as Taki shifted to meet the clearly unhappy gaze of his lover. He could make an excuse about "losing track of time," and it wasn't that he thought Goh wouldn't believe it so much as he knew Goh didn't care what the reason was, only that he'd awoken alone, again. And Goh didn't seem too interested in asking why he was still up or in hearing any explanation Taki might give.

"I think I'll take that rain-check now," he whispered as he approached and pressed Taki backwards towards the computer. Taki submitted wordlessly, finding no legitimate pretext to refuse. The cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto the carpet. Goh crushed it with his bare foot as he advanced.

* * *

Taki was spent. He wanted to go straight to bed, but he needed to go over the details of the drug drop this afternoon with Goh, so he could get some rest before his shift tonight at the bar. It was also clear that Goh wasn't going to sit back and let Taki deal with the third case on his own. With the target being a woman, in the past Goh would just leave him to it, claiming to not want to be involved in any way with the other sex. But now, their relationship being what it was, and Goh's jealousy at an all-time high, he would almost certainly want to keep tabs on Taki about this case. If he wanted to keep the details of his relationship with Naomi under wraps he'd need to move fast, and in the meantime placate Goh with frequent updates and clarity of his devotion to the other man, and not her. Of course, Taki had no way of knowing yet that Goh already knew that he and Naomi were not strangers. Goh would be keeping that fact to himself for just a little longer.

He peered up at Goh from the couch where he was now resting. The other man was straightening up the room a bit after their activities. It was somewhat surreal considering all he still wore were his boxers, but the sight wasn't unpleasant at all. In fact, he found himself quite surprised about the degree to which he did not have a problem with sexualizing his relationship with another man. Or more accurately, this man. He'd even... with his mouth tonight. He was a little embarrassed about that, but he'd finally made that overture and he was quite satisfied with its seeming results. Goh didn't let him finish, but he very much seemed to enjoy it. He found himself equally surprised to be thinking about how "next time" he'd go all the way. He wanted to show Goh just how much he could do for him. He wanted to show Goh his devotion with his body, since he had so much difficulty expressing it in words.

As Goh walked over to pick up the fallen desk chair he peered at the computer screen. "Is this file download for the drop this afternoon?"

"Yeah," Taki replied with a yawn.

Goh nodded. "I'll take care of it. You should go to bed." He looked concerned and Taki wondered if his concern was about Taki staying up to do this work, or about the rough time he'd just been given.

"I'm okay," Taki offered. He hoped it would assuage Goh's worries in either case.

"Well, in that case," Goh smirked as he approached the couch, "how about another round?"

"Not satisfied, then," Taki queried, a twinkle of playfulness in his eyes.

"I'll never be satisfied, Taki. I'll always want more of you."

Goh's words were spoken with the same playful tone, but there was an unusual intensity in his eyes now. Taki had to wonder what it meant, or if in his exhaustion he was simply seeing things. Maybe it was just a remnant of Goh's irritation about waking up alone again. He needed to stop leaving Goh by himself at night. He knew the other man didn't like it. But, then again, at the same time Goh was an adult and he should be able to be by himself once in a while. Spoiling him like this, giving in to his whims, was a dangerous proposition. At some point he would need to "cut the chord" and get Goh to understand the limits of their dependency on each other. It would become unhealthy otherwise.

Goh leaned over him for another kiss. Taki accepted it without resistance.

"It's weird when you're so compliant, you know," Goh observed.

"But I promised to give you whatever you wanted tonight," Taki explained.

"But it's morning now," Goh corrected.

Taki glanced up out the window. It was decidedly daytime, even if the sky was overcast.

"Ah, well in that case..." Taki smiled as he pulled away.

Goh feigned pouting, but didn't pursue him. It was clear he knew Taki was tired.

"The weather report said it was going to rain all day," Taki said absently, staring out the window like he had been before Goh came into the room earlier.

Goh looked out the window as well, his face unreadable. They continued this way for a few more minutes before Taki excused himself to bed, reminding him they'd go over the plan for the third case again in the afternoon over a late lunch or early dinner, after Goh made the drug drop and before he left for his shift at the bar.

Reading through the downloaded file, Goh calculated his available time until then. Since the bar wouldn't be open until later in the afternoon, and since Taki would actually be there then anyway, he'd have to do his snooping around in the off-hours. He thought he'd remembered from the file that this woman lived near the bar, either above it or across the street or something. The files were in Taki's room, and he couldn't well go in and take them without arousing suspicions, so he'd have to work from what he could remember about it.

The target was a corporate executive. They were hired to find, and snatch, some "sensitive" documents. Attempts to locate them at the target's office and home turned up nothing, but revelations about a romantic relationship with this female bartender suggested he may have stashed them with her. The amount known about this woman was sparse. All that was really known was her name, the nature of her relationship with the target, her job, where she lived and that she had a kid. He couldn't connect her to Taki with such limited details. He'd have to find out more by observing her himself. Looking at the desktop's computer, Goh calculated he had just over three hours to spare. He needed to get moving.

Leaving Goh in the living room, Taki went straight to bed. He'd shower and dress later when he woke up, but right now he was too tired and distracted to focus on anything but getting a few hours of sleep. Finally seeing Naomi again after so long was bringing back all kinds of memories. There were the memories, of course, of his escape from that terrible night six years ago, but also about what came next. Of the years he spent in the arms of different women. Running from one to the next, trying to escape his past. He regretted it now, how he all but consciously took advantage of them. Most of their names he couldn't even remember. They seemed like an endless stream of places to sleep and bodies to warm himself against, but he remembered Naomi. She was the first woman who took him in, who showed him the sort of genuine kindness he'd come to believe at the time that he hadn't really ever received from Mizuki. As he drifted between awareness and sleep, fueled by the shifting weather, those memories returned.

* * *

Taki had run all night and through the next day to get away from his foster parents. He made it several towns over by running, walking, hitching rides and using the little change in his pocket to pay bus fare. It got cold and started to rain, so he took shelter in the hallway of an apartment building, sneaking in with some residents. He couldn't rest, even though he was exhausted. His anxiety over his escape and the potential that Katsuro or Mizuki could be trying to find him gnawed at him. He hadn't eaten at all in two days. Even if he'd had money to buy any, he felt too ill to his stomach for it. So he paced in hall in the late hours of the night, unable to even sit, hoping none of the residents got suspicious of his presence there.

It was close to 2 am when a woman came in. She looked to be in her early to mid twenties, very beautiful with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. Taki stepped around a corner to let her pass, and quietly she did, but what happened next would change a lot of things, both for Taki and for this woman.

Instead of continuing on to her apartment, she stopped and turned, looked at Taki, who, startled, could only stare back at her, and asked him a question:

"What's wrong, no place to go?"

He couldn't understand what it meant for a moment. How could she know something like that? Then it dawned on him how he was dressed: too lightly for the weather and rather disheveled. He was also pretty young for someone out by himself so late at night during the week. He looked like a runaway and didn't think he could come up with a good lie about what he was doing there, but he also didn't want to make apologies and run back out into the weather.

He didn't seem to have to, though. Remarkably, or rather unbelievably, the woman didn't turn him out or call the police and have him taken away. She didn't even seem inclined to wait for his response. Instead she looked him up and down for another moment, then took his hand in hers and lead him down the hall.

"Come on then, let's get you out of this cold and into some dry clothes," she spoke, focusing her attention to her pocket and drawing out her keys as they walked.

Taki didn't know quite what to do. Why was this woman taking him in like this? Did he really look so pathetic? Was she some kind of saint? He was cold, and tired and hungry, though, and didn't want to pass up the opportunity to stay out of sight and off the streets for a night. He figured if this woman was offering him the hospitality of one night's rest, he should take advantage of it, since it wasn't likely anyone else would be offering such kindness again anytime soon. He didn't resist her and said nothing as she unlocked the door to her apartment and led him inside.

Once inside, with the door shut quietly, she let go of him, dropped her keys and took off her coat and shoes. Taki followed suit by removing his own shoes. Then she led him to the bathroom to take a warm shower while she went into her bedroom and emerged with some clean clothes. They were men's clothes. They probably belonged to her boyfriend, Taki thought. Although a bit large for him, he took them gratefully, though still wordlessly. The shower was heavenly. It was like washing off the memories of what happened with Mizuki along with the filth of two days of running. The steam made his mind hazy and unable to focus on all of the things that had been worrying him: being chased, being caught, being killed, but most of all, what he had done. He felt safe for the first time in those two days.

Emerging from the bathroom he found the woman in the kitchen, brewing some tea. She turned and smiled at him, obviously pleased by the sight of him finally relaxed and cleaned up. He thanked her for the shower and clothes and she motioned for him to sit down on the couch, handing him a cup of tea.

"So, what's your name," she asked, sitting down next to him, still calmly smiling.

Taki found himself newly anxious. Not because he was afraid of his potential pursuers anymore, but he was now alone with a woman he didn't know, without any knowledge of her motivations or what she would do with the information he gave her. But he needed to answer her, and telling her just his name probably wouldn't cause him any harm. He slowly brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, feeling the hot liquid slide down his throat, warming him, then drew it back down before he finally managed, "...Taki." He didn't looks at her as he spoke. Choosing instead to focus on the liquid inside the cup. He must have cut an adorable picture of awkward youth.

She patiently watched him, not rushing his answer or acting suspicious of its honesty. "That's a nice name. Like 'waterfall?' How do you write it?"

"No... With katakana," he responded. She was being nice, trying to make conversation and giving him the benefit of the doubt. He felt obliged not to lie or withhold too much, but he still kept his guard up.

"I see. Well, Taki, my name is Naomi. It's written with the characters for 'honest' and 'beautiful,'" she replied as she watched him sip his tea. He didn't know how to respond, so she continued. "How old are you, Taki?"

"...I'll be eighteen in a few months," Taki lied. He was only just sixteen, but he thought if she believed he was closer to high school graduate age, she'd be less inclined to report him to the police.

"And why can't you go home, Taki?" He noticed her consistent use if his name when she addressed him. She really was genuinely trying to make him feel comfortable.

Taki thought for a moment and chose his words carefully. "...There's... nowhere to go back to."

"Okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I don't have a spare futon, but you can sleep out here on the couch tonight. I'll bring you a blanket." She got up and went to a closet, bringing back a thick, soft blanket.

When he took it from her hands he tried to smile earnestly and said, "Thank you, Naomi-san."

"Just 'Naomi' is fine. You'll make me feel like an old lady with that kind of formality," she joked. "Go ahead and get some sleep now."

Taki nodded his assent, yawning now for the first time in days.

"Good night, Taki."

"Good night, Naomi-sa-- Naomi," Taki corrected himself, watching her smile in response.

With that she left Taki in the living room and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. It was after 3 am and Taki was weary. He laid the blanket over himself and passed out quickly, ignoring his pangs of hunger and newly discovered desire to eat, not bothering to wonder what the next day would bring, but hoping against hope that it would feel as warm and safe as he did right now. The rain kept coming down outside, but he didn't hear it anymore.

2/21/10  
4005 words


End file.
